A friend of mine calls me up, crying and boo-hooing about how hurt and humilliated she feels because she caught her man cheating. AGAIN. the fact that this apparently was NOT the first time it happened was news to me. I asked her why she hadn't told me about this before? And, moreover, to DUMP that A**hole immediately, do not pass go, do not collect $200 dollars, you know...
And then she dropped the nugget on me that made totally loose respect and any sympathy I might have had for her-
She, in the same breathe, turns to punish herself for his "indickscretions" by saying.. "hmmm, well, now that I think about it, he was within his rights under our "agreement"...."
Um, I'm sorry- what did you say again?
" What are you talking about? This guy is a SNAKE! He's a total jerk! What a minute- WHAT AGREEMENT?" I asked, in a total ball of confusion.
"Oh yeah," she sniffed, the snot and tears audibly still draining from her orafaces.
'We have this "agreement" between us that we each get 3 chances to cheat in our relationship before we get married. If one or the both of us gets to number 3 before we get married, the wedding's TOTALLY off."
" You are a TOTAL lunatic! What the h- have you considered counseling? because-"
"Oh no, we don't need counseling, this is like our own kind of therapy. It totally keeps us in check." she rationalized.
"NOT you and him, doormat! I'm talking about YOU! Normal people don't have agreements like these!! Do you realize you have given him a license to do 3 random drive- by hook-ups with your full blessing!?"
" No, not really! See, we agreed.."
"NO, YOU agreed. Meanwhile he's busy using these other chicks for target practice for your wedding night!!! UGHHH!"
She went on for 10 minutes, trying to rationalize this idiotic scenario. I think she needed to convince herself so bad that she was doing the right thing, that the more she talked about it, the more she realized how stupid and pathetic she sounded.
So, I had an idea. To prove what a worthless piece of crap this guy was, I had another friend call him up, and she told him this big B.S. story about how she was all "on the D.L. and that she had been eyeballing him for so long , but that she was too afraid to ask for it herself, and that she didn't want to hurt his girl, but maybe they could hook it up sometime..
My friend listened to this whole exchange, as her "man" (using that term very loosley here) proceeded to set up the date, the place and the time for the hookup.
I told her "See, that was number 3. Now you don't have to marry him! Thank God!"
To which my FORMER friend said, " Yeah, well, see- THAT didn't count because it's not gonna happen. It's not REALITY."
I gave up on this girl after a while. I just couldn't take all the whining ang crying and complaining about her failed relationships anymore. I can't fix her.
I think it is so sad when a woman (or man) feels so LITTLE respect for themsleves that they will allow their partner to abuse them AND their trust this way.
We have to STOP being our own victims and realize that we deserve BETTER. We deserve the BEST. What we DON'T deserve is a man (or woman) who's only gonna give us the best STD they can muster in return for all of our love and loyalty.
BTW? This girl can no longer have children because of the STD's he gave her. She is scarred so badly, she can't conceive. Was it worth it? Oh well, at least she still has HIM, right? Geesh. I think I'm gonna be sick.