Monday, September 6, 2010


Why is it that, Sunday is supposed to be the day of rest and worship (ok, there's the whole Saturday thing too, but, since Sunday is the more widely recognized day...)why then, is it that we seem to pack MORE into our Sundays than any other day of the week?

Think of all the stuff that happens on Sundays:( BESIDES the MONSTER TRUCK NATIONALS at the COLLUSIUM? )

1)Church. IF you are the Church-going type. You gotta get your clothes ready (This usually takes me at least 3 hours) You have to GET ready- shower, hair make-up (and don't forget the deoderant!)

2)You have to actually GO to Church. This includes getting breakfast ready, or stopping for it, and eating it. And wiping at least some substance from it off of those nice church clothes you just spent 3 hours preparing. (Can I say 2 words- BABY WIPES! They are better than ANY stain stick, and will get almost ANYTHING out of any fabric! They even take Kool-Aide stains out of most carpet!)

3)Arrive at church, greet people, dodge people ( C'mon- you KNOW you do it!)
find a seat in the BACK. That's where EVERYBODY wants to sit! You can get away with so much more stuff back there! it's great- You don't have to sing, or, at least you can mumble your way through the Hymns and people don't know the difference. You can chew gum, blow your nose, AND you can whisper about why "Suzy" is sittin' here in the Lord's house dressed like she came straight from the Headbanger's Ball!

4) STAY AWAKE in Church. Don't EVEN... You know it and I know it- we all doze off every now and again!

5) Exit Church dodging same people as you were on the way in.

6)Go visit with "The Fam" for Sunday dinner, supper, lunch, whatever you call it, wherever you are. We all go, hardly any of us feel like it but do so because Grandma Bernice isn't gettin' any younger and won't we feel guilty if she keeled over tomorrow and we didn't take 20 minutes out of our busy lives to go have Fried Chicken and Pecan Pie with her. Cut an old lady some slack! Make her happy! C'mon!!! You also spend the next 2 hours dodging family members from room to room, avoiding listening to their opinions (for the UMPTEENTH time) on everything from your love life to what brand of toilet tissue you should be using to keep your septic tank from backing up. FINALLY, you pack up the leftovers and you're off to the store. BYE! (Whew!) You're OUTTY 5000. 

7)Hurry to the store for snacks for tonight and stuff for the kids' lunch this week. 

8)ATTEMPT to dodge SAME people from Church, now at the grocery store. ARE THESE PEOPLE FOLLOWING YOU? Great, they're in line behind you at the check-out, starring a hole in the back of your head. Now you have no choice but to turn around, totally fake a look of suprise on your face like you had no idea they were there. "OH HEY... YOU! How are ya!" And then they ask you why you didn't speak to them at church today, before, during, or after...And then you totally make up a story about how your mind must have been somewhere else and you've had alot on it, and you TOTALLY must have just missed them or something! (You're such a LIAR LIAR, Pants on fire!)

9) Spend next 15-25 minutes just outside the entrance to the grocery store, ice cream melting in the bag, listening to the church people you spent all day dodging tell you pointless stories about trouble at the little league field and how little Jimmy is doing in band.

10) Get groceries home. Ice cream is now frothy slush. Get Hot wings and Cheese sticks in oven, turn on football game. Wash dishes from the last 3 days, do laundry, answer phone 96 times from family members calling to "check in" and "just say hi" because "it's Sunday." Game is already at Half-time. Who's winning? Who knows? NOT YOU, because you are busy doing all the stuff that nobody else will get off their A** and do for themselves.

11) Iron clothes for the week. Your's, the Kids', you draw the line at your lazy husband's wardrobe. He's a big enough baby. Let him do it himself!

12) It's 11pm. Game's over. Still don't know who won because you were busy doing everybody else's chores, and your kids had to turn it to watch "The Simpsons". Channel never got changed back. Oh well.

13) It's Midnight. It's Monday. It's bedtime. So much for the day of rest. Oh well- there's always NEXT SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY!

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